Army wife quilter

October 20, 2009


OK! So here is the thing. "Fear!" It is the time of year when we pull out all the stuff that makes us scream, laugh, and say wow how did they do that. It's Halloween the one time of year when the fears of others are displayed on the lawn to scare us all. I have one big huge fear that drives my family crazy all summer. I don't need to go to a haunted house to be scared. All you need to do is show "My Kids in water". That is more freighting to me than any haunted house. It is so bad that have not kept up on their swim lessons. I think we went to the pool once this summer, and the lake twice. The second time I stayed in the car. I couldn't handle it. I was two weeks from my due date, and I was sure the stress would cause me to go into labor.

My twelve year old has suffered the most because he has a hard time with confidence when swimming at Boy Scout events, or passing the swim test at the base pool. They can be in the water with a life jacket and have inner tubes and everything. It doesn't matter. The worst is riding on the boat.

It all plays out in my mind like you are watching a scary black and white show and you start to hear the eerie music. Next thing you know something bad is going to happen. That bad thing for me is seeing one of my kids fall out of the boat but we don't see it right away. By the time it is figured out that a child is gone and the boat is turned around there is no sign of the child anywhere even with a life jacket on the child has drowned. The mom is hysterically screaming (that is me). This scene is going on in my head when ever we visit water as a family. The whole time I am so crazy that my husband is constantly telling me to chill out. Needless to say I don't handle riding in a boat very well. Now if they are not with me. I am totally fine. No fear at all.

It gets worse. I had a night mare. It makes me emotional when I think about it. I have a son named Alex he is 6. In this night mare he is in the bath tub playing. As I turn around to look at him I see he is under the water staring up with this horrible look on his face. He is white, not moving and in this morbid pose. I grabbed him out of the water screaming then woke up. For weeks after I had this dream, it was all I could do to get that image out of my head. It creeps in every once and awhile and boy it totally weird's me out.

Of course, life is all about over coming our fears. Becoming the best person we can be. I understand that however, the fear of losing my kids to water is so overwhelming.  I am really glad when it start to get cold.  My family wants to do activities that don't include water. 

  I would not usually post something this personal.  However, I ran across the  write-away contest at  which ends Wed. Oct.21st.  I had to write something to see if I could do a OK job.  I have really enjoyed the site and visit it awsome.

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